Saying sorry is in the news at the moment, with the Prime Minister here in Australia ready to make a sorry speak to our indigenous people. On the surface it is a simple thing, but beneath it is quite complex.

Part of the complexity comes from the different understandings of what the word sorry means. For many sorry is tied to a shared feeling of grief over something that has happened: ‘I am sorry for your loss’. This is an immensely positive meaning as it, when really meant and felt, implies an empathy with how the person is feeling that can be truly powerful in its effect. For others sorry carries a meaning of responsibility: ‘I am sorry I hurt you’. This is also immensely powerful as it is the beginning point for reconciliation and communication.

The difficulty in the present case of an apology to the aboriginal community is which meaning is appropriate and in which context. A large part of the apology is expected to be over the ’stolen generation’, a situation where many aboriginal children were removed from their families and placed either in institutions or adopted out. In some quarters it is assumed that this should cover all aboriginal children removed from their parents. But when you coolly examine the who issue it is my understanding that the really inappropriate removal of aboriginal children in an effort to make them white only happened in one period and possible only in one particular area. Like all poor communities of any colour, many children get removed from their parents for perfectly appropriate reasons and, as recent events have shown, there is and has been plenty of good reason to remove children from abusive family and community situations and foster or adopt them out. When this happens with white people it just happens. When this happens with aboriginals the stolen generation issue is raised unfairly.

Also complicating the situation is the high migrant level in Australia. Many of us came to this country after the core events of the stolen generation and of course most of us came after the major issues of the treatment of aborigines during the settlement and expansion periods of Australian history, though there are still some Australians alive with memories of the latter part of this period. Migrants, particularly those who live in the major cities and may never even have seen an aboriginal person in the flesh feel no need to apologise to anyone.

There is also a substantial feeling among many people that the aboriginal communities have blamed the whites well beyond reason and that they have failed to address their own issues. Part of this is a manifestation of the victim mentality. That aborigines have been badly treated in appalling ways is undeniable. It is a very similar situation to that in North America. It is amazing how badly people can treat other people just because they are different and perhaps only at the technological level weaker and thus vulnerable. The question becomes how long does one allow this to drive your collective and individual behaviour and how soon should one get over it and move on. Certainly this seems to be difficult when there are still survivors of the actual events alive as people’s human nature will make it difficult for some to get past what has happened. This is understandable, though sad. And of course maybe that is the issue here, that it is still too fresh, too raw and too real for too many people. Let us hope an apology helps them to move on.

With moving on there has to be a willingness on both sides to leave the past behind, stop bringing it up and move forward with a positive outlook. There also has to be a willingness to help yourself.